Losing someone in your family is hard to deal with. I lost my mother when I was a young girl. She was the only person that I was really attached to. Dealing with and accepting a death like that was very hard. I got through the pain and the suffering, but it took courage to accept that I would not see my mother again.

Sometimes I sit and think about the last day I saw my mother. How uncomfortable it was not to be able see her happy. Seeing my mother in the hospital with heart complications was something a little girl should not go through. When my mother was in the hospital, she was in more pain than I can imagine. I remember feeling scared and confused. I was thinking that my mother was going to come back home. It never crossed my mind that I would not be able to see my mom anymore. I was very young and I hadn’t heard of children losing there mothers at a young age. I thought moms stayed with their children until they were grown. Then I lost her.

The years 2002 though 2009 after my mother died, were very hard for me. I remember waking up crying and being afraid to move on with life because she was not here with me. I didn’t want to go to school; I didn’t want to leave my room. I wished I could crawl in a hole and stay there for the rest of the days I had left with all of the negative thoughts I had been receiving. I had an older sister, but it wasn’t the same as my mom being there. I wanted my mother more than life itself. I wanted her so bad I started to act out. I did things I wasn’t suppose to. I thought if I did these things she would come back and talk to me about getting into trouble. I later learned that God has a plan for everyone. I learned that he had a reason for bringing my mother to him earlier than I expected. I also learned that I had to move on with my life to make her proud of me. I realized this by talking to my father and grandparents, also by going back to church. I realized that I had a lot of people who loved me and they needed me to be able to succeed in life. So I stopped acting out at home and school. I did my school work and passed my classes.

I know now that there are reason and explanations on why awkward things happen. I know that surviving in this world will make my mother proud of me. That is one of my goals, to make my mother happy. I will do this with courage, self-discipline, and with the help of God.